24-Hour Crisis Line

Domestic Violence FAQ

If a couple is having a domestic violence problem, don’t they just have a bad relationship?

Bad relationships do not result in or cause domestic violence. The idea that bad relationships cause violence in the home is one of the most common and dangerous, misconceptions about domestic violence. It encourages all parties involved – including and especially the victim- to minimize the seriousness of the problem and focus their energies on “improving the relationship” in the false hope that this will stop the violence.

Aren’t most domestic violence incidents caused by alcohol or drug abuse?

Many people have alcohol and/or drug problems but are not violent. Similarly, many abusers are not substance abusers. How people behave when they are “under the influence” of alcohol and/or drugs depends on a complex combination of personal and social, physical and emotional factors. Many people in troubled situations – such as domestic violence – use alcohol or drugs as a way to avoid facing their problem. It is often easier to blame an alcohol or drug abuse problem than to admit that you or your partner is openly, soberly violent. Neither alcoholism nor drug abuse can explain or excuse domestic violence.

Doesn’t most domestic violence occur in lower class or minority communities?

Domestic violence occurs at all levels of society, in all classes and communities, regardless of their social, economic or cultural backgrounds. Researchers and service providers have found that economic and social factors can have a significant impact on how people respond to violent incidents and what kind of help they seek.

Don’t most batterers lose control during violent incidents and not know what they’re doing?

If abusers were truly out of control, as many claim to be during violent incidents, there would be many more domestic violence homicides. In fact, many abusers do “control” their violence, abusing their victims in less visible places on their bodies, such as under the hairline or on the torso. Furthermore, researchers have found that domestic violence occurs in cycles, and that episodes are preceded by a predictable, repeated pattern of behavior and decisions made by the abuser.

Scared of your partner's ANGER?

Walking on eggshells? Hiding your bruises? Frightened for your kids? Trapped with no safe place to go?

Have you been RAPED?

Are you keeping it a shameful secret? Do you think no one will believe you? Do you believe it is your fault?

Were you MOLESTED as a child?

Does it still haunt you? Wondering if you will ever get over it?

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