How to Help

TDV is common. It affects millions of teens in the U.S. each year. Data from CDC’s Youth Risk Behavior Survey and the National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey indicate that:

• Nearly 1 in 11 female teens and about 1 in 15 male high school students report having experienced physical dating violence in the last year.
• About 1 in 9 female and 1 in 36 male high school students report having experienced sexual dating violence in the last year.
• 26% of women and 15% of men who were victims of contact sexual violence, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetime first experienced these or other forms of violence by that partner before age 18.
• The burden of TDV is not shared equally across all groups—sexual minority groups are disproportionately affected by all forms of violence, and some racial/ethnic minority groups are disproportionately affected by many types of violence.

Unhealthy, abusive, or violent relationships can have severe consequences and short- and long-term negative effects on a developing teen. For instance, youth who are victims of TDV are more likely to:

• Experience symptoms of depression and anxiety
• Engage in unhealthy behaviors, like using tobacco, drugs, and alcohol
• Exhibit antisocial behaviors, like lying, theft, bullying or hitting
• Think about suicide

Violence in an adolescent relationship sets the stage for problems in future relationships, including intimate partner violence and sexual violence perpetration and/or victimization throughout life. For instance, youth who are victims of dating violence in high school are at higher risk for victimization during college.

1. Supporting the development of healthy, respectful, and nonviolent relationships
   has the potential to reduce the occurrence of TDV and prevent its harmful and long- lasting effects on individuals, their families, and the communities where they live. During the pre-teen and teen years, it is critical for youth to begin to learn the skills needed—such as effectively managing feelings and using healthy communication— to create and foster healthy relationships.
2. Start the Conversation – Let them know you have noticed certain things that concern you. Ask them if they have noticed the same and how that behavior makes them feel. Help your friend identify these behaviors by connecting them to resources or sharing information about healthy relationship signs.
3. Be Supportive – Remember your friend may not recognize the abuse or even want to leave or stop. This is difficult when you clearly see the signs. When talking to your friend or if your friend approaches you with concerns, be supportive. Don’t judge them, keep an open mind and help them get the resources they need like creating a safety plan.
4. Keep Your Communication Door Open – Your friend needs you to listen and be supportive. What you see or hear may make you frustrated and upset. If this happens try to stay calm. If you give your friend an ultimatum like “if you don’t leave, I won’t talk to you again” that closes the door of communication. People in abusive relationships will most commonly speak out to a friend first and sometimes they won’t talk to anyone else. If you shut your door and tell them that you won’t talk to them again, you may be shutting down their only resource or connection to help. Instead, let them know that you want to help and can connect them to resources when they are ready. Check out this graphic for great examples of supportive things to say during the conversation.
5. When in Need Get Support – If you feel that your friend is in immediate danger or that their life is at risk or has been threatened, you may want to get emergency support by calling 911. It may not be your first choice for help, but if things are serious it’s important to call professionals for support. You may also consider talking to a counselor, trusted adult, or legal aid if there is no immediate danger present.
6. Remember boundaries, warning signs and healthy relationships are not as clear when you are in an abusive relationship. That’s why it’s important to educate your friends and community about dating abuse and how to have a healthy relationship.

Bullying can affect everyone—those who are bullied, those who bully, and those who witness bullying. Bullying is linked to many negative outcomes including impacts on mental health, substance use, and suicide. It is important to talk to kids to determine whether bullying—or something else—is a concern.

When adults respond quickly and consistently to bullying behavior they send the message that it is not acceptable. Research shows this can stop bullying behavior over time. There are simple steps adults can take to stop bullying on the spot and keep kids safe.

• Intervene immediately. It is ok to get another adult to help.
• Separate the kids involved.
• Make sure everyone is safe.
• Meet any immediate medical or mental health needs.
• Stay calm. Reassure the kids involved, including bystanders.
• Model respectful behavior when you intervene.

• Don’t ignore it. Don’t think kids can work it out without adult help.
• Don’t immediately try to sort out the facts.
• Don’t force other kids to say publicly what they saw.
• Don’t question the children involved in front of other kids.
• Don’t talk to the kids involved together, only separately.
• Don’t make the kids involved apologize or patch up relations on the spot.

• A weapon is involved.
• There are threats of serious physical injury.
• There are threats of hate-motivated violence, such as racism or homophobia.
• There is serious bodily harm.
• There is sexual abuse.
• Anyone is accused of an illegal act, such as robbery or extortion—using force to get money, property, or services.

For more information:
https://www.stopbullying.gov/respond/on-the-spot/index.html