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“The world was staying connected online, so we hoped we could reach other men who may feel the isolation of the pandemic and offer brotherhood to get through it.”
— Scott Sunday, support group facilitator
Excerpt from The Union Democrat:
The Center for a Non Violent Community is known for its support of women and children, but it also offers two groups for men who need help dealing with life issues, including abuse or sexual assault.
“We know domestic and sexual violence aren’t just women’s issues — they affect whole communities. We also know the problem of interpersonal violence won’t be solved without men being allies and engaging in their own healing,” said CNVC Community Services Coordinator Pamela Orebaugh.
Mother Lode Men’s Circle and MENding Lives offer confidential support groups via Zoom through the CNVC and are open to every adult male aged 18 and over, according to CNVC facilitator Scott Sunday, of Sonora.
“It’s harder for men to express their feelings,” Sunday said. “We don’t talk a lot, so these groups are really important.”
The Mother Lode Men’s Circle was the result of brainstorming by Sunday and former CNVC employee John Fisher, who came up with the idea of a support group in early 2020 when uncertainty over COVID-19 was at its peak. The group came to fruition in late 2020, according to Sunday.
“The world was staying connected online, so we hoped we could reach other men who may feel the isolation of the pandemic and offer brotherhood to get through it,” Sunday explained.
The men’s circle allows members — currently ages 18 to 80 — to gather for fellowship, make supportive friendships, and explore and discuss today’s issues in a secure virtual environment.
Sunday believes that the men’s circle group can also be a “good starting point for men that may not be ready to talk about their abuse,” and could serve as a stepping stone to join MENding Lives.
“Scott Sunday has always been a champion to bring awareness and attention to male survivors, and bravely shared his experience as a survivor of child sexual abuse at the annual Prevent Child Abuse Tuolumne County luncheon a few years ago (this organization is now the Tuolumne Resiliency Coalition),” Orebaugh said.
Four years ago, he started MENding Lives, a support group for male sexual abuse survivors, like Sunday, who was sexually abused by his adoptive mother when he was a child.
The abuse led Sunday to some very dark places in his life and was chronicled on the website 1in6.org, which was created in 2010 in response to a lack of resources addressing the impact of negative childhood sexual experiences on the lives of adult men, one of many under-recognized aspects of childhood sexual abuse. In 2016, 1in6.org expanded its mission to include men who experienced sexual assault as adults. Its mission is to help men who have had unwanted of abusive sexual experiences live healthier, happier lives.
In 2007, Sunday was the plus-one to his wife and CNVC co-director Laura Sunday as they attended The National Sexual Assault Conference in Washington, D.C.
“There were over 100 vendors there representing women and children, but only one booth mentioned men — 1in6.org.,” Scott Sunday said. “That spurred me on. It is the reason behind the group MENding Lives and later, Mother Lode Men’s Circle. A common theme for men is: I thought I was the only one. You’re not alone.”
The need for men’s groups in Tuolumne County that were not spiritual or faith-based and not clinical therapy or rehab-related was evident to Orebaugh, she said.
“It is important to have a place for all men to express healthy masculinity in a safe space,” she said. “These groups offer man-to-man, guy-to-guy, peer support.”
Dedicated to meeting all of the needs of the community as a whole is the reason CNVC has other additional support groups including Healing Hearts and Renovando Vidas, for adults and Girls Circle and The Council for youth.
Laura Sunday supports her husband of 28 years and his dedicated advocacy for men. She understands the position he and other men have been placed in after working for the CNVC for 19 years.
“In order to heal our world, it takes unity in our community. Recognizing we all have our place no matter our age, sexual orientation, or beliefs,” Laura Sunday said. “Men have a vital role to play and have stood alone in silence for too long. All voices need to be heard.”
Give help, get help
Men interested in joining Mother Lode Men’s Circle or MENding Lives can contact CNVC at 209-588-9305 or email info@nonviolentcommunity.org to connect with a facilitator prior to joining.
• Mother Lode Men’s Circle meets from 6 to 7:30 p.m. two Wednesdays per month.
• MENding Lives meets from 6 to 7:30 p.m. two Thursdays per month.
To make a donation to CNVC, go to nonviolent community.org/get-involved.Donations provide emergency and transitional shelter, counseling, and support for children and adult survivors, such as the following:
$25 supports a youth activity/excursion
$50 provides a sexual assault response kit with clothes and toiletries
$75 sponsors youth enrichment groups
$125 provides a hotel stay for survivors fleeing violence
$150 provides counseling/therapy sessions for survivors healing
$500 can help a survivor relocate to a safer location
$1,000 can support a survivor in finding permanent housing
100% of your tax-deductible donation will be used in Tuolumne County.
Click here to Donate
